


It's All in Your Head

by heimai



Series: Figure It Out [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Dreams, F/M, Romantic Comedy, chouji and ino are incredibly unhelpful, dude idk uhh, i dont know i just really love naruto, shikamaru is the smartest idiot alive, temari is a babe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2018-12-30 01:50:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12098079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heimai/pseuds/heimai
Summary: Nara Shikamaru is 100% prepared to someday find his girl that isn't too ugly and not too pretty, and does his best to keep his distance from Temari during her stay in the Hidden Leaf because he Does Not care and he Does Not like her. Unfortunately for Shikamaru, he can't control his dreams, and they seem to be telling him the exact opposite.





	1. A Man on a Mission

**Author's Note:**

> i like.... didn't do a lot of looking up references or research for this.. oh well! i love my boy shikamaru and had fun writing this so I hope that you enjoy!

It all started one morning when Shikamaru woke up, mouth wet and feeling like he hadn’t slept at all. What the fuck had happened to get his sheets twisted like that was an absolute mystery to him. Maybe it had been one of those ridiculous fighting dreams again, the ones every Shinobi had from time to time. You wake up sweaty, realizing you were beating the shit out of a pillow rather than an enemy.

Well, no matter. Today he was being called to the Hokage’s office for some sort of “special mission”, which was an absolute drag. Shikamaru had been promised some time off after back to back to back missions, and yet here he was, pulling on his shoes, trotting across the city like Tsunade’s personal errand boy.

The kitchen was stocked with food, but Shikamaru just reached right for the door. He didn’t feel hungry for some reason.

It was too damn early to be awake, but at least there wasn’t anyone to stop and talk to. The streets of the Leaf Village were empty and dusty, brightly colored shops closed and curtains drawn.

Tsunade probably wasn’t even up. He prayed Shizune would wake her up before he showed up, lest his tired mind blow a fucking gasket.

Shikamaru was slowly realizing he had no desire to suffer alone. He passed a familiar house, and felt his bag.  _ Perfect. _

He leaned next to the door, munching a mini-sized bag of potato chips, waiting. Finally, only one remained.

The door slammed open with a bang and his best friend burst into the faint light of the rising sun. “You’re a shithead, you know that?” Choji said around the final chip, crunches unable to disguise his irritation.

“Yeah, yeah, get your shoes on,” Shikamaru said with little sympathy. “I have more chips and it’s not healthy to sleep until 2 p.m. anyway.”

“And it’s healthy to be up at 5 a.m?”

“Do you have your shoes on yet? I can’t hear you when you don’t have your shoes on.”

“Shit. Head.”

Choji whined half of the way to Tsunade’s office, but Shikamaru successfully shut him up with 2 more bags of barbeque chips.

“I wish I wasn’t so easy to bribe,” he confessed with a sigh.

“I don’t,” Shikamaru said, kicking a pebble. “Paying for chips is a small price for the ability to have you magically appear when the last bite of food does. I wish you wouldn’t do that at my house though.”

His father hadn’t said anything, but him raising his eyebrow when Choji stole the last bite of food directly off his fork was enough make him consider just dropping Choji all together. That would leave him with just Ino, however, and honestly he’d rather die.

“Not my fault you’ve got weird issues with gender roles, I’m just hungry.” They reached the big double doors, and Shikamaru stated his business. Climbing the stairs, Choji whistled. “Special mission? Wonder what that means.”

“I don’t” Shikamaru scowled. “It’s such a nuisance. I could be sleeping.”

“I could, too!” Choji opened a new bag with a crinkle. “Couldn’t you at least act like you enjoy being a Chunin?”

“No, absolutely not. If they think I like it, they might make me do more stuff.”

“You might want to cut that out before you reach the Hokage’s room.” He turned to see Shizune smiling as usual, catching up to them in the long hallway. “Good morning!”

“Is the princess awake?”

Shizune tsked, stopping before Tsunade’s door. “If by that you mean the Hokage, then yes, she is.”

“A miracle.” He knocked and heard a grunt from inside. The door swung open to reveal Tsunade, groggy at her desk with a cup of sake at 6 a.m. and hair in messy ponytails but somehow as lovely as always. How annoying that always was. “You have a mission for me?”

She looked up. “Shikamaru. Yes, I do, but I know you’re on break, so it’s nothing too taxing. Papers rustling in her hands, she looked away. “For a week, we have a visitor here. It’s for diplomatic reasons, that aren’t your concern.” Thank god, as Shikamaru couldn’t care less about diplomatic relations. “I want you to escort her around the city, out of courtesy, and also to keep an eye on her. I’ve heard you know Temari of the Sand Village?”

Choji choked on his chips, gagging at the name. Shikamaru shot him a nervous look, and once Choji could speak, he apologized. “I’m sorry for interrupting. Shikamaru knows Temari.”

Why did he tell Choji anything, ever? One battle didn’t mean he knew her. Her saving him from Orochimaru’s henchmen didn’t mean he knew her. Making out in the training grounds didn’t mean her knew her.

_ Did it? _

“Barely, ma’am,” he said, suddenly painstakingly polite. “But don’t you think this would be better suited to someone else?”  _ Anyone else? _

She studied him. “Are you telling me that you, a fully-fledged Chunin, can’t handle this one, simple, task?”

When she put it like that, it did sound pretty fucking stupid.  _ Shit. _ Choji reprimanding him for his gender roles came to mind, but he couldn’t bear to be this big of a pussy. Besides, it couldn’t be that bad, could it? He could deal with this for a week.

“I’ll do it,” he said, “but I won’t like it.”

Tsunade laughed, picking up a pen. “I wouldn’t expect you would. Anyway, she should be arriving anytime.”

“What?” he couldn’t help asking. There wouldn’t be time to mentally prepare for this.

A knock sounded.

Literally no time at all!

“Come in,” Tsunade said.

_ Stay out _ , Shikamaru prayed.

No such luck, unfortunately. The door creaked open and a woman stepped through dressed in all black, heavy fan on her back. “Hokage, good morning,” she said bowing slightly, and then turned towards Shikamaru.

Oh.

Oh no.

_ Fuck. _

He suddenly felt like he’d been doused in cold water, while simultaneously intense heat blazed through his chest. It was easily one of strangest sensations he’d ever experienced, of both dread and a horribly familiar itch.

Shikamaru just remembered what he dreamed about.

He had been in his bed during the dream, which explained the fucked up sheets. Him, flimsy sheets, Temari and not much else.

The more he started thinking about it, the more the dream was returning, and the worse it was getting. Or better?  _ No. _ No, definitely worse, as this was neither the time or place to feeling like this.

But he found he couldn't stop. There hadn’t even been much to it, just that he had gotten home, feeling more bored than usual, to find Temari in his room. Sitting on his bed, legs crossed and smiling smugly, wearing a little less than she was right now. Well, nothing, to be exact.

He tried to focus only on her eyes, strange ones that flashed blue or green in different lights, but the moment he realized why his mouth had been so wet, he slipped up. Big time. In front of the fucking Hokage. Shikamaru was meant to escort her.

_ God, not like that, stop it. _

Looking back up, he hoped she hadn’t noticed, but to his absolute horror, she returned the favor.

He wasn’t expecting to give her the once over, nor did he think he’d get it back. In front of the fucking Hokage. Her eyes flicked back up to his, and she raised an eyebrow.

_ Ok, now what the fuck did that mean? _ Could she read his mind? He hoped not, he begged not, because what he was thinking was slightly… Shikamaru suddenly had a drive to be professional.

“Temari,” he said stiffly.

“Shikamaru,” she returned, and the silence made another appearance, heated. To him, at least. Too hot. He needed air, or maybe a paper bag. A week, a whole week of this. Of careful looks. He was so afraid of thinking too much, but equally afraid of what he’d try if he didn’t think at all.

Maybe he should be just a little bit stupid for the time she was here. Like he wasn’t already getting there just fine.

Speaking of getting there.

_ No, NOT speaking of getting there, fuck. _

“Well,” Tsunade finally said, “I take it you’re acquainted.”

“Yes.” Temari nodded. “We’ve worked together in past.”

_ Fighting _ working? Or  _ accidentally finding themselves alone on the training grounds, pressed against each other, hands on soft skin, fingers through the mesh under her shirt _ working?

Probably the first one, though a glimmer in her eye that he’d seen before made him think otherwise.

Choji was stifling giggles, shaking a little and eyes watering.  _ Dammit, dammit, why did he tell him about that? _

“Take a day of rest, Temari,” advised Tsunade, then turned to Shikamaru. “You start tomorrow, got it?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, trying to repress the cringe in his gut, and turning away, motioning for Choji to follow. Leave explaining his bizarre behavior to Tsunade, he had to get out.

“Shikamaru, what was that? You were acting so weird.”

“Nothing. I just had bad dreams and I’m tired, that’s all.”

Choji stopped in the middle of the hallway, chip almost in his mouth. “Oh no, did you have a sex dream about Temari?”

“No,” he said, but his voice cracked, much to his dismay. “Keep your voice down. How would you guess that?”

“Well, one: you’re my best friend, idiot, and two: that sexual tension was 5 elephants in the room. I was thinking about just leaving, it was so bad.” He grinned at Shikamaru. “You have to tell me though; what went down?”

Shikamaru put one hand over his eyes, clenched his jaw and paused before speaking quietly though his teeth. “Me.”

Choji went wide-eyed. “What.”

“Yeah.”

“Like, you were ea-”

“Don’t even fucking say it, Choji. Yes, okay? Yes.”

“You’ve made a big mistake there. This week could very well be hell for you.”

“And you think I don’t know that?”

“Orrr maybe not,” Choji said, emptying a bag.

What a disgustingly dangerous thought. “No thanks. It was just a freak dream.”

“Sure,” Choji said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

“You’re telling no one about this.”

“Sure!”  
  
Shikamaru _really_ should have known better.


	2. Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shikamaru and temari deserve to take up so much more space on this site

“What happened to ‘sure, Shikamaru, I’ll won’t tell anyone’? What happened to friendship?”

Shikamaru sat next to Ino and across from Choji at their favorite restaurant as they usually did, a familiar table they always took. His dreams had been thankfully Temari-free, but he still couldn’t seem to escape the previous one.

The looks Ino had been shooting him all afternoon had been making him nervous. It was one of a predator, biding her time before her prey let its guard down. Every time he glanced at Choji, his friend would look away.

That was suspicious. Finally, he brought up the awkward air, and the cat was out of that bag. He’d been exposed.

“Relax,” insisted Choji, flipping the pork in front of them. “It’s just Ino. I said you’d shadow possess her and cut her hair if she told. Besides, if we can’t share things as a team, what’s the point?”

“That’s stupid, Choji, that doesn’t make sense. Who are we, Team 7? Since when have we cared so much about sharing things.”

“Yeah, relax.” Ino smiled at him sweetly, though it looked more sinister to Shikamaru.

He ignored her. “What did you tell her?”

“Uhh,” Choji thought out loud, “pretty much everything you told me, I think. Sorry. She already knew about ‘the thing’ that happened a few months ago anyway.”

“It’s not your fault,” she cooed. “You can’t control your dreams.” Ino flipped her hair in a flash of white-blond and leaned closer to him, pushing her chest against his shoulder until he went red. “I had no idea you were so selfless though. Giving.” She came closer still, breathing in his ear. “Mmm, Shikamaru, that’s hot.”

“Get off me, you animal.”

She sighed. Turning to rest her back against the wall, Ino put her legs in Shikamaru’s lap. “I wish I could find a boy like that.”

Choji imitated her sigh dramatically and stared at the food between his chopsticks wistfully. “Me too.”

“Fuck off.” Shikamaru shoved Ino’s legs away to her protest, and stuffed his mouth with rice. “Fuck off, both of you.”

“Hey!” A sharp voice sounded from above them and they looked up to see Asuma. “We don’t fucking swear on this team, you little shits.” Choji snorted and scooted over to let Asuma sit next to him. “What kind of role model would I be if all of you grew up to be foul-mouthed rule-breakers?”

Shikamaru felt resigned. He wanted to point out that Asuma was smoking in a restaurant, but it wouldn’t make a difference, so why bother.

“What were all of you talking about?”

“Well, Shikamaru-”

“Ino!” he said, louder than he’d meant, and Asuma raised an eyebrow.

“-has a mission?” she finished. Oh. “Later today. He’s in charge of Temari, basically.”

Asuma took the cigarette out of his mouth and let out a choking laugh. “Good luck.”

“Stop saying that.” His teacher shrugged. “If this second-hand smoke isn’t slowly killing me, all of you certainly are. And,” he added, standing up, “I’m not paying for this.”

“And I’m guessing you two aren’t either.” Ino and Choji vehemently shook their heads. “Great.” Asuma sighed but pulled out his wallet, sighing that he didn’t even eat anything.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have an actual job to do-”

“Yeah, ya do.”

“-and I’d appreciate if none of you talked to me for the remainder of this week.” He pointed specifically at Ino. “No meddling. None.”

“Meddling? Me?”

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and made a beeline to the door. Leave it to his team to make his life infinitely more horrible. A small voice in the back of his head told him that he might have done this to himself, but he preferred to act as though he couldn’t hear it.


	3. Just Fade to Black Already

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ayyyyYYY

“I feel like before it gets too awkward, we should talk.”

Temari loomed in front of Shikamaru outside of her apartment building, a threatening figure in black. He was pretty sure nobody liked the phrase “we should talk”, and that very much included him. It didn’t help that Temari was nearly aggressively-beautiful, and that he had a good idea about what this talk was going to be about.

He decided to go the route of acting like he absolutely didn’t. “Alright. About what?”

She gave him a look like he was the stupidest person she’d ever met. He was sure that wasn’t true, but it felt like it. “We kissed?” she said, and then laughed. “I made fun of you for losing, remember? You seemed to be into that.”

“I really don’t want to be talking about this. And I was not into it,” he muttered, “it just so happened one event occurred before the other.”

Temari shrugged. “If you say so. I was only doing you a favor, since your girlfriend wasn’t there to nag you like  _ all women do _ .”

“I didn’t have a girlfriend.”

“Shocking.” The sarcasm was chilling.

Shikamaru grit his teeth. “I hope this isn’t how you handle the rest of your ‘diplomatic relations.’”

“It’s not. I’m very professional. So, no girlfriend now either?”

“No.”

She shrugged, smiled and turned heel, calling after her that Shikamaru should pick up the pace.

Why did it matter to her that he didn't have a girlfriend? She was probably mocking him. This was very unprofessional.

He followed her begrudgingly, not even bothering to catch up, so she finally slowed down. Shikamaru didn’t want to take her seriously, or talk to her, or smile. He did anyway.

Temari was such a drag.

  
  


So he said. So he desperately wanted to believe. But there wasn’t much he could do about that when he was sleeping. A part of Shikamaru knew that this was a dream, only just lucid enough to acknowledge the separation from reality, but any motivation he might have had to wake up before it was too late was clearly knocked the fuck out.

They were in his room again, though unlike his earlier dream, this time he was there first, and Temari opened the door as if it was a regular occurrence. Like  _ she _ was the girlfriend he’d been asked about.

He wasn’t sure what to do besides sit on the edge of his bed and observe as she moved around the room as if she knew it. Temari seemed to be telling him a story, but he wasn’t really listening. Acting like this was a normal occurrence would be too strange.

Temari leaned her giant fan against the wall, which appeared much less threatening to him out of use. Next was her headband, clinking slightly as she put it on his dresser. She opened a drawer, sorted around in it and then began to pull her shirt over her head.

“Whoa!” Shikamaru said loudly and she stopped. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Getting ready for bed? I’m tired from today, which you would know  _ had you been listening _ .” She rolled her eyes and continued, undoing a button at the back of her collar, pulling her shirt off and unzipping her skirt, letting it pool around her ankles.

Her underwear was red and mostly see-through because of course he’d torture himself like that. She bent over to pick up her clothes and put them away. Shikamaru’s fingernails dug into his knees, trying not to stare and failing hopelessly.

“Hey,” Temari snapped and he flinched. She walked over and leaned forward, hands over his on his knees.

“ _ Hey _ ,” she said a second time and he painstakingly looked up at her face.  _ That stupid smug smile. _ “My eyes are up here.”

She turned away and didn't see Shikamaru blush wildly red, for which he was thankful; he was suffering enough as it was. A new drawer was opened, and Temari pulled out a shirt, slipping it on. “Is this less distracting?” she asked, facing him, holding out her arms.

In the name of the First fucking Hokage, it absolutely wasn’t because somehow, even after her being half-naked, Temari in his old t-shirt, stretched across her chest and riding up on her stomach, was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

_ She was probably ruining it _ , thought Shikamaru.

_ Let her. _

She walked towards him slowly, too slowly, her long legs bare in the moonlight coming through his window where the curtains didn’t cover. Temari was beautiful. It didn't matter what she was doing or what she was wearing. It was unfair, Shikamaru was unlucky.

Or possibly the opposite. When she was close enough, she put her finger under his chin to tilt his face up. Without any warning besides this, she kissed him.

It startled him, so he barely reacted, lifting his hands and then putting them back down. He’d just never been kissed like this before. It was enthusiastic, a little wet and made his stomach twist in a way that wasn’t unwanted.

Temari pulled away but held him with her gaze instead. Shikamaru was completely unable to shake her as she kneeled in front of him, parting his legs. Her eyes were black and deep blue, looking up at him so innocently. He swallowed and looked away, hoping she wouldn’t notice.

“What are you-”

“Thanks for letting me stay here, Shikamaru.”

He blinked. He had no idea what she was talking about, as his dream had offered him no context, but nodded anyway. “...kay.”

“It’s been really helpful.” She sighed and folded her arms in his lap which made him shift uncomfortably.  _ So much for her not noticing. _ “I feel so bad… for not doing anything for you.”

_ You really don’t have to _ is what he’d meant to say but instead Shikamaru murmured: “Like what?”

“Well,” she said, sitting back up, “I was thinking I could help you with…” Her eyes flicked downwards and then back up at him. “That.”

That?

She bit her lip and her palms slid over his knees.

Oh fuck.

_ That. _

Getting out of this might prove impossible. He shouldn’t do anything with her, not with  _ this girl _ , though he wasn’t sure Temari had the same sense of “professionalism” at the moment. Convincing her he didn’t want her was equally dubious, because with how she was positioned, it’d be hard to deny he wasn’t at least interested, and at most going out of his damn mind.

He could just leave, right?  _ Nope. _ He was stuck in place, stuck with Temari, red underwear and loose hair, mouth dark pink, barely open.

She pressed her face to his stomach, breath warm through his shirt. Her voice was muffled when she spoke, and her fingers curled over his waistband, tugging. “Will you let me?”

_ Well, shit. _

Shikamaru wasn’t sure he could be blamed for what followed. After all, how was he supposed to say no to that?

 

 

The realization that his libido didn’t give a rat’s ass about his mental health was both unwelcome and inevitable.

When his alarm went off Shikamaru had bolted upright in bed, breathing quicker than usual. He rubbed his eyes, preparing to survey the damage.

This time around, he remembered everything.  _ Everything _ . Suffering from those “fade to black” sex dreams that boys his age cursed rather than craved was a stranger to him. Waking up before the action didn’t seem to be an issue for Shikamaru whatsoever. Instead, he could recall all of it, in painstaking detail. He tried to convince himself that saying yes to her was an innocent mistake.

How was he to know she would actually do it?

Shikamaru’s sheets were twisted around his legs again, probably from tossing and turning. He felt messy, and he hated it. Getting out of bed only made it worse. To his dismay, his clothes had been successfully ruined, along with his entire room, his psyche and probably the rest of his day.

The bathroom mirror did him no favors (more so than usual). He looked like what had just happened  _ had just happened. _ He turned on the shower, freezing at first, and pulled off his clothes. Maybe he should burn them, just to destroy any evidence of Temari-

Correction.  _ Temari _ didn’t do jack shit. If she  _ actually _ had, this morning would have been different, if no less terrifying. No, this was all his fault, for letting this get so out of control.

The bathroom was slowly getting warmer as steam clouded the mirror, making his image fade away, and he sighed. Dreams or no dreams, he had a job to do.

The shower water was way too hot on his back, but at least he was washing away the night. Washing away Temari.


	4. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lmao writing this chapter killed both me n shika

“What are you doing here, Shikamaru?”

Shikamaru looked at his watch, and then back at a sleepy Temari, who was peeking through the small opening in her apartment door. “I’m here on time.”

“Yeah, on the Leaf Village’s scheduled time, not mine.”

“Does it matter?”

“I just woke up and haven’t remotely gotten ready, so to me it does.” She yawned and then nodded her head, motioning him inside. “Wanna come in?”

It’d be weird if he didn’t, if he just stood outside, but Shikamaru wanted to get his duties over with, not prolong his exposure to Temari. She moved out of view, leaving the door slightly ajar.  _ That’s decided, then. _

He pushed it open the rest of the way to find the inside of Temari’s apartment perfectly clean, as if she hadn’t been living there the past couple days at all.

“It’s so early,” Temari groaned, opening her refrigerator. “Do you sleep at all?”

_ Oh boy, if she fucking knew. Like he needed a reminder. _

“I’m being professional, remember?”

Shikamaru forced his mind completely blank. This was a normal morning, like any morning. It didn’t matter that Temari was wearing whatever she’d slept in, something soft and short and deep violet. It didn’t matter he was standing not far from her, alone.

The way she was eating though seemed a little more difficult to ignore. Maybe it was the same as everybody, but it seemed different to him. Temari pushed herself up to sit on the counter, crossing her legs, and began to eat an orange. Biting into each slice, sucking on them and then swallowing.

_ Swallowing _ .

The way she licked her fingers was almost intolerable. Temari, wearing lingerie, sitting on her kitchen counter, two fingers on her tongue. Shikamaru realized with dread that this was probably going to be his next nightmare, if he wasn’t somehow having one already. It would be so easy to pull her hand away from her mouth, replace it, feel her warmth through that thin fabric, figure out if this ridiculous flow-y purple dress had anything underneath it.

“What?” she said, sounding defensive, and Shikamaru nearly kicked himself for being so obvious. “I told you I didn’t have time to get dressed.”

“Sorry.” Correcting her felt compelling, though then he realized he’d have to admit to thinking she was- He turned away, leaning against the counter.  _ No way. _

“I probably should, if we’re going to be leaving.” She jumped down from the counter, and Shikamaru breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, the torture was over. Temari walked into her room, and pushed the door closed. Except it didn’t quite make it there.

What an idiot he was! The torture was never over.

Instead, the door clicked slightly against the frame and then slowly creaked open again. Not all the way, but enough that Shikamaru could see easily inside.

He refused to deal with this shit. Embracing the awkwardness of getting close enough to separate them wasn’t easy, but he made it a few steps before stopping in his tracks.

So they weren’t red, then. Or see-through.

Temari stood with her back to him in front of a tall mirror, lifting her arms to tie back her hair. Her underwear wasn’t red, no, but blue instead, and practical. That was probably a more reasonable expectation of her.

Shikamaru took a step backwards to head towards the door, and Temari looked up, staring him directly in the eyes through the mirror. His heart plummeted.  _ That’s it _ . He’s done for. Maybe some rogue Shinobi would be kind and take him out before Temari did.

Temari sniffed and went back to looking at herself. Shikamaru blinked. It wasn’t until her thumb slipped under her bra-strap to pull it higher up her shoulder that Shikamaru realized she had no intention of closing the door  _ or _ acknowledging his presence.

Had she left it open on purpose?

He waited outside of her apartment for her to finish.


	5. You Can't Just "Call the Hokage"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a good time, if not a little cheesy

“Temari!” A shrill voice sounded from across street and Shikamaru instinctively flinched. He’d never get used to that.

He had almost successfully gotten through the day without seeing her, but naturally, right before the last appointment of the day, there was fucking Ino.

“Temari,” Ino said, jogging up to them, “I’m so glad I got to see you while you were here.”  _ Were they friends or something? _

Shikamaru’s stomach dropped, suddenly scared of what he’d have to do to keep her mouth shut. He’d never been in a blackmail situation before; was he going to have to kill her? That was messy though. Maybe Shino would, he looks like the kind of guy who-

“Ino,” Temari nodded smiling. “It’s been awhile.” Standing strictly away from the two girls, Shikamaru watched as Ino put her hand on Temari’s arm and then glanced at him with a smirk. If that was supposed to make him jealous, it didn’t work. He’d expect more from the evil mastermind that was Yamanaka Ino

“It really has.” Ino looked the other girl up and down. “You look so pretty.”

“Thank y-”

“Doesn’t she, Shikamaru?”  _ There’s the kicker _ . He shrugged.

“My job is to be her chaperon, not flatter her.” Temari folded her arms, but he could see a tiny smile pulling at the corner of her mouth.  _ Women are horrible, all of them _ . “Ino, come along if you must, but I’d like to be on time.”

“Suddenly so responsible,” Ino muttered, but followed him, making conversation with Temari as they walked. He tuned them out for the few minutes it took until they reached their destination.

He opened the door for Temari and resisted the urge to slam it behind her.  _ See, THAT’S how you close a door, idiot. _

“You’re so on edge today, Shika,” Ino complained and leaned against the wall next to him. “You’re going to get premature wrinkles.”

“And you’re going to get a premature burial if you keep calling me Shika.” He put his head in his hands. “You  _ know _ I hate it.”

“Just calm down, would you? I’m trying to help you out. It’s painful to see you two just walk through the village, acting like you’re not down to fuck. You’ll be done in a week anyway.”

He said nothing in response, just turned away. "Oh wait. Don't tell me."

"Laugh all you want."

"What did you do for her this time?" No response. "Or... What did she do for you?"

"It doesn't-"

"Shikamaru, no!" she shrieked, and he clapped a hand over her mouth.

"Why don't you talk louder," he hissed. "I'm not sure the Kazekage could hear you from here."

"Sorry, sorry," she said, and he sighed, putting his hands in his pockets. "I'm just interested."

Shikamaru snorted. "Interested? You don't even like boys."

"Not true," she insisted. "I like hot boys."

"And suddenly I'm a ‘hot boy?’"

"You're starting to be,” she said with a sly grin, then slid a hand up his arm. “Why won't you tell me more? What's the worst that could happen?" She stretched her other hand in an arc above her, blond hair swaying. "I can see the headlines now; 'Nara Shikamaru, stereotypical straight male, has his dick out for a pretty girl."

"You're so eloquent." Shikamaru hated to admit he didn't know what he was doing, but he wasn't a girl. What went on in there? Shikamaru had no idea.

"Come onnn, give me the dirt. I'll help you, I promise! From now on, I'm Team Shikamaru."

"Don’t get comfortable, there's no need for that."

She jutted out her bottom lip, pouting. "Please? I genuinely want to help."

"In exchange for my personal life, right?"

"It is what it is," Ino said, shrugging. "So?"

"Fine," Shikamaru said finally, "but only so you’ll stop bugging me and you better hold your word." Ino nodded and listened intently.

"I showed up at her apartment this morning-"

" _ Ooo. _ "

"-because it is  _ MY JOB _ to do so, and she's not even up yet. She says 'wanna come in'-"

"Which you definitely do."

"Shut up, stop interrupting." Ino was constantly talking over, under, around him, and it had pissed him off since the moment they met. Especially now, when she herself had asked him to talk, yet still had her mouth open like scissors, cutting through his sentences.

Ino grabbed his wrist. "Can I ask what she was wearing?" She looked annoyingly intrigued, which only made Shikamaru less likely to indulge her.

"...No. Doesn't matter."

"Don't do this to me," Ino begged.

Shikamaru ignored her. "So I just stood and she ate an orange and-"

"Boring! Just get to the point."

"Damn, alright! She went into her room to change and shut the door, but it sort of... opened again?"

"No," she said, eyes wide.

"And I went to close it, but she was already wearing… less."

She gasped. " _ No. _ "

"The damage was done at that point. The weird thing was, when she was standing in front of her mirror, she looked me right in the eye, like she knew I was there, and then did nothing. Just looked at herself"

"Shikamaru.” The intensity in her eyes was frightening. “What did you do. Details, I need details." She looked almost hungry.  _ Spooky. _

"I waited outside."

"You- You what?" He looked at her quizzically, and Ino cried out in exasperation. "You’re an idiot! I'm not even going to give you advice about that. I keep waiting for you to give me something juicy, but you're tragically dry."

"You'll be waiting forever,” he said, only a little bitterly.

“Tell Temari I said goodbye. I can’t deal with you throwing away opportunities like that.” Her hair swished behind her as she spun away from him, and he resisted the juvenile urge to tug it like when they were 9. Ino acts as if she’s so high and mighty sometimes, even though she’s just as stupid as everyone else, if not more so.

Everyone else now includes him, he thought.  _ All of us are idiots. _

Shikamaru waited in silence. It was uncomfortable, but everything was about this day, so what’s new? He wished he’d never brought up the topic of his dreams or just Temari in general to his friends. The dreams were so unusual, they had to be temporary, and therefore nothing to get jumpy about. The same with Temari. No reason to get worked up.

It was a real pain to have nights haunt him into the day, but if he couldn’t handle this, that’s just embarrassing. There had been worse discomfort in his past.

The only thing that was getting significantly caught up in his thoughts is that this was more than just him. Could this street of trial and torment be a two-way one? And if it so, was it sunnier on Temari’s side? This is point where Shikamaru would usually shut everything down, shove it away until it gradually disappeared, but…

Maybe he was remembering it all wrong, but the look she had given him through the mirror was white-hot. She was telling him something, definitely, royal eyes flashing and the slide of the strap on her shoulder.

_ How humiliating it would be to be wrong... _

It wasn’t fair to be upset at her for something she has no control over, Shikamaru was fully aware. It was just that she had made him want to wrap his arms around her waist, put his chin on her shoulder, return that cursed look in the mirror. With or without Temari, he really was an idiot, wasn’t he?

“Well, at least that’s settled,” he muttered. “I’m a  _ fucking _ idiot.”

“Should I be offended that you’d talk to yourself before you’d talk to me?” He jumped and looked up to see Temari standing in front of him, head tilted, but smiling good-naturedly.

Shikamaru had been startled, but not surprised. With a wake-up like that, it wasn’t like he’d thought the day would get better from there. “No, sorry, Temari.” He bowed his head slightly, and she looked surprised.

“You don’t ever have to be so formal with me, Shikamaru,” she said, adjusting the fan on her back. “I’d say you’re the person I know best in this village, so don’t go giving me the cold shoulder.” He raised an eyebrow and she smiled again. “What would I do without my caustic chaperone who absolutely refuses to flatter me?”

“It sounds like you could do better, if you’re going to go describe me like that.”

“That was a compliment, believe it or not. You don’t think I come from a village of boys with a mouthful of sweet talk to spit at the Kazekage’s older sister?” Shikamaru slightly stiffened at the mention of “a village of boys”, but she didn’t seem to notice. “Yes, you’re abrasive, but not dull.”

“I’m still on the fence about whether you’re commending me or not.”

“You said you’re not here to flatter me. That doesn’t have to be vice-versa, does it?”

“You have an interesting way of going about it.” She sighed, shaking her head, and silence settled around them. The awkwardness might have compelled him, or some other mysterious force beyond his control, but he made a split second decision. “Do you want to go somewhere cool?”

“Yes,” she said, a glow returning to her eyes, “always.”

“It’s only slightly illegal.”

Temari shrugged. “I don’t live here. Besides, if we get caught, I’ll say you kidnapped me.”

“Like I could.”

“That’s true.”

_ Could the demon who has possessed Nara Shikamaru’s body please leave the subconscious so it can be permanently exorcised? _

“After you,” she said, grinning, and grabbed his hand. Hers was warm, and he instinctively held it, probably from his practice of being thrown kunai knives. He acted like it wasn’t there, for fear of embarrassing himself for the millionth time, but pulled her along behind him, down side streets and up alleys. They parted when he leapt up a wall, and she didn’t try to hold his hand again, even after.

That was alright. He had felt a rise in him, the wicked idea that this was normal for some people. They always had someone to do this with.

Sakura and Ino unconsciously basking in each other’s company in the most irritatingly affectionate way possible. Tenten falling asleep, nearly always slumping against Neji’s shoulder after a long mission (she got eyeliner on his shirt each time, but Neji didn’t mind). Kiba and Hinata were always arm in arm, the first racing fearlessly ahead while the second pulled him back, anxious.

Even Naruto and Sasuke, though they had said they hated the other, were constantly nose to nose, prone to pushing and bumping and catching each other when they fell. Always fighting, but always touching.

_ That last one was the most unjust of all,  _ Shikamaru thought. In what world do would-be rivals get to expose his developing mind to their regularly-scheduled public groping, and yet Shikamaru, an average 17-year-old boy with normal tastes, was apparently touch-starved?

What an absolute fucking drag.

He shook off the memories of his friends and made a final leap onto a rooftop, landing with one hand on the ground. Temari followed closely, touching down on two feet. It was incredibly graceful, Shikamaru could admit that, especially balancing her weapon on her back.

“Where is this?” she asked, looking around at the village below her.

“One of the best places in this city, considering both height and sunlight.”

“Oh. Why is it illegal?”

“We’re on top of my neighbor’s apartment and this is his private garden.” Shikamaru walked to a bush with ripe cherry tomatoes, and picked one off.

“Should you be doing that?”

“Nope. Want one?”

“Yeah.”

“See,” Shikamaru said, tossing one to her, “the old guy who lives here has been dealing with me and Choji since we were kids.” She watched him with interest, popping the tomato into her mouth and leaning against the barrier between the roof and open air. “We’d always sneak up here and lie in the sun, which he absolutely hated, mostly because our dads used to do that before us and get hit with a shovel.”

“You’re still coming up here.”

“Mostly by myself. I always get caught with Choji because his footsteps are heavy, so we’ve found another spot. This is just the best one.”

“What happens when he catches you? Death by shovel?”

“The last time he caught me, he told me he was going to tell the Hokage and have someone arrest me. That was kind of funny because one, you can’t just  _ tell the Hokage, _ and two, I’m probably the person she’d make deal with that anyway, since he lives so close.”

She nodded solemnly. “You’re a criminal, Shikamaru. Constantly on the run from yourself.”

“Yeah,” Shikamaru snorted. “I’ve told him I’ve moved up in rank, but I’m still a 12-year-old to him.”

“Does anyone else come up here with you? Besides Choji?” Shikamaru thought about it. The answer was no, but he wasn’t sure what to say to Temari. His few previous girlfriends had never known about this. Even Ino hasn’t been up here, though mostly because she complained that boys would look up her skirt if she climbed too high.

“Is that fan heavy?” he asked, heavily swerving the subject, and she chuckled.

“You have no idea how often I get asked that. I tell usually people it takes incredible strength to wield and is heavier than me.” Shikamaru eyed her fan skeptically. “I mean, obviously it’s not. You’ve seen me use it.” Several times, yes, both against him and with him. Almost equally dynamic, though the first time he didn’t really get much of a chance to appreciate it, seeing as it was thrashing its violent waves of air at  _ him _ . “Do you want to hold it?”

He looked up at her, taken aback. “Are you sure?”

“Oh, come on, it’s not a baby. And it’s not like I’m defenseless without my fan. Neither of us are fragile,” she said, taking it off her back.

“I know that,” he scowled, “I mean that it’s important to you.”

They stood facing each other. “It’s true I wouldn’t give it away to just anyone.” She lifted it up to him.

He took hold of it, and when she let go, it was a good weight in his hands. Certainly not as heavy as Temari, but enough to reveal the muscle it’s owner had. The sun had moved from it’s highest point, and Shikamaru turned away from Temari to lift the fan up to it. The dark wood gleamed softly, despite the nicks and scratches that covered it.

Without intending to, his hands on either side drew apart, and the weapon moved for a second before Temari stopped him.

“Whoa there, Shikamaru. I’d recommend you don’t open that” Shikamaru looked at what he was doing and snapped it shut.

“Did I-”

“Actually,” Temari interrupted, “you could open it, if you wanted to.” She stepped behind him. “You’d just need my help.”

Shikamaru didn’t gasp or anything, of course, he wasn’t 14, but he couldn’t stop a tiny breath from escaping when she stepped closer. Temari arms brushed against his sides and her hands came to rest only just under his on the fan. Her body fit so easily to his, and he could feel how warm she was even through their clothing.

“You ready?”

Shikamaru hesitated. This wasn’t how these type of things were supposed to go. Should he be behind her, guiding her hands? Well, he shouldn’t be behind her at all, but if it has to be one way or another…

Is this what girls feel like when guys do this? It was kind of nerve wracking, having someone that close in your blind spot, but also kind of nice.  _ Nice? Let’s get this over with. _

He nodded, and she slowly began to open the fan. Shikamaru’s eyes widened.

The fan seemed to shimmer in his hands, a soft buzz running through his fingertips. It felt almost like the pins and needles that come after your feet fall asleep but slowly, like being nudged by something invisible.

“What’s touching my hand?” he asked, almost dropping it when he felt a touch again.

“It’s alright, it’s just my chakra.” He looked down to see, indeed, the glow was coming from her hands. “It only reacts to me. You’re just feeling the side effects.” They were quiet for a moment, Shikamaru just staring at the faint radiance he’d never noticed before. It was impressive, and breathtaking. His face fell a little.  _ I could never have something as beautiful as this. _

“You’re not a fucking idiot, by the way.” Shikamaru was confused until he remembered his deep thoughts accidentally slipping through his lips earlier, and he guessed she’d heard them. “You’re very smart, you just like to take things slow. That’s a good thing,” she said, close to his ear, still buzzing, “though I think sometimes you let moments pass you.”

“That’s… fair criticism. You’re not just… the Kazekage’s older sister, by the way,” Shikamaru told her, still watching her glimmering fingers, “the Kazekage is Temari’s little brother.” Whether this was coming out how he meant it to or not was a complete mystery to him, as he couldn’t see her face to verify. “Does that make any sense?”

Before she could answer, there was a bang from below them and a muffled rough voice yelling  _ who the heck is on the damn roof? _

“Shit.”

Temari shut the fan and stepped away from him to put it back in its place. “You really weren’t kidding. Should we go?”

“We can stay if you want. I warn you that his shovel is mighty, and could very well overwhelm your fan.”

She laughed and held out her hand. “Best not to test that, right?” Shikamaru took it and they dived from the roof only seconds before the door swung open to reveal what Shikamaru imagined was a very angry man wearing pajamas and holding a shovel. He was probably questioning his sanity, too, always hearing footsteps on the roof but never finding anyone.

He felt a little bad until Temari squeezed his hand when they leapt from one building to another. The old man’s distress was worth this, and besides, if he had any issues with it, he could just tell the Hokage.


	6. On Your Knees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ....shrugs!

Shikamaru was standing in the middle of an arena. Not really, obviously. His mind was once again experimenting with ruining his life by way of dreams. Why not just dip his toe into the world of interactive smut in the deep subconscious? It’s not like it was painfully humiliating or anything.

The arena was more specifically the one from the Chunin exams, where he’d stood years and years ago, though unlike before, the stands were completely devoid of people and it was nearing dusk, sky bleeding orange.

“Hey.”

Temari stood on the far side of the arena, just like she had before, but older, the way she looked now. She was frozen in place, and he noticed the long shadow stretching between them that he hadn’t seen before.

“You’re going to have to forfeit for anything to happen here, you know.” She sounded deeply condescending, but also looked wildly attractive in the low light. Shikamaru knew how to pick his battles.

He dropped it, and the second he did, she started walking, the way that only she could. Walking wasn’t intended to be seductive, but it seemed that almost anything she did came off come-hither to Shikamaru.

She stopped in front of him, one hand on her hip. He straightened his back and looked her in the eyes; he was being sized up, after all.

“I won, right? This battle.”

Shikamaru thought back to the exams, to him quitting right before victory. “I  _ let you win _ , but yes.”

“I’m the winner, so now you have to do what I say.”

He knew he shouldn’t expect anything to make sense anymore, but he squinted at her in suspicion anyway. “That’s not really how the Chunin exams-”

“Get on your knees.”

Shikamaru nearly choked, certain he’d misheard her. “What?”

“I said, get on your knees, Shikamaru. Unless you really are a loser.”

All he could do was stare, wide-eyed, half in disbelief at her, and half at himself. For somebody who prides himself in being autonomous, that probably shouldn’t have been as much of a turn-on as it was. Something about her smirk, sly and knowing, was really pissing him off. That, and making him want to obey her.

He grit his teeth in frustration, but his mouth quickly went loose again as Temari kissed him. It seemed impossible to not be used to it by now, but it was so easy to fall into her. It still made his heart beat fast. How to put this… She knew the ropes. And he was letting himself be spectacularly manipulated by it.

Shikamaru followed the curve of her legs and her hips to her waist. Temari’s gibe was still ringing in his ears and he flushed.  _ Damn it. _

Shikamaru pressed his thumbs against her hips and she released him. He trailed his fingers down her thigh, over the skin left bare by the slit in her skirt, and she shivered so perfectly, he tried with his fingernails.

“Shikamaru.” Her voice was quiet, but demanding all the same, and he felt it everywhere.

He pushed fabric of her dress higher up her leg. “Could you hold this here?” He couldn’t look her, he just couldn’t.

It was easier to blame this on that alleged demon than the deterioration of his sanity. He rolled his eyes at that thought immediately following it.  _ Like he’d ever been a saint. _

It didn’t hurt at all when his knees hit the ground.

  
  


Shikamaru woke up feeling predictably gross again, with a now-familiar breathless voice echoing in his head again and again.  _ Shikamaru _ . The dream was shorter than the others, but somehow more disturbing. Temari held the last syllable of his name just a second too long, putting a hand over her mouth right before she... Yeah. She was nearly whining, and he wondered how even that got in his head, seeing as he’d never heard her sound like that in his  _ life _ .

He was ignoring the fact that he’d submitted to her in more way than one. Not successfully ignoring it, obviously, because it felt like he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been successful at literally anything.  _ You look good like that, Shikamaru.  _ He slammed his pillow over his face, hiding his intense blush from no one and also hoping he would accidentally suffocate himself.

_ Who the fuck knew he had that in him? _

The pillow fell onto his lap. Sitting up made his back ache, though at least he had the sense to sleep shirtless and tie his hair up this time. It made him look a little bit less of a mess, more like he had been training rather than just being a sweaty wreck for the hell of it. Beginning to get used to this routine was discouraging, but he clearly had no hand in the topic of his dreams.

_ Shikamaru. _

That  _ fucking _ voice.

His mind had been changed; he was not getting up today. Being a Shinobi wasn’t so great after all. In that moment, Shikamaru felt like just a few more hours of sleep would be a fair trade for 12 years of work.

He lay on his stomach, thinking. Maybe it was all those thoughts about enemies that secretly want to bang that caused him to dream about… that. Ino was the worst and most obvious about Sakura, which was a drag to witness, especially when he was the one she whined about it to.

On the other hand, there was one night where he’d gotten drunk enough with Naruto where it stopped being fun, and all Naruto did was talk about was how he thought Sasuke looked now and then cry for a good 5 minutes.

Shikamaru had drank more, hoping he would forget it the conversation by the morning. Nope.

(They don’t talk about it.)

All of that isn’t to say he considers Temari to be an enemy to him. How could he? It’s just difficult to forget battles and to separate them from people, especially when it was the fight that made him a Chunin.

His dream had been… a  _ creative reinterpretation _ of that. It was sexy, sure, and provoking, but it also was absolutely  _ never _ going to fucking happen. The same with every dream before. It was just wasting his time, and Shikamaru was rapidly getting sick of it.

A loud banging on his door made him jump, and another familiar voice, though this one less sweet, screeched through the wood.

“Shika, you promised you’d take me to ramen!”

He looked at his clock. “Ino, what the hell!” he yelled back, making no move towards the door. “It’s 8 in the morning, they aren’t even open until 9, and when did I promise you that?”

A moment of silence. “Like 2 years ago? But I’m cashing it in now.”

“Why?”

“I feel like you have something you want to tell me.”

“I don’t.”

A pause, and then a hiss. “If you don’t come out, I’m coming in.”

He leapt from his bed and raced to the bathroom. “Jeez, alright, one minute!”


	7. The Haunted Ramen Shop of Secret Ulterior Motives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why does Ino gotta play him like that?

“Are you serious?” Ino squawked, dropping her chopsticks into her ramen. Teuchi shot Ino a slightly irked look and Choji gave him a smile.

“Sorry. We have to do this all the time.”

Teuchi smiled back and shrugged. “It’s alright. This shop has heard many secrets, high-pitched voices are just a little-” Ino’s voice cut in, shrill as ever. “-hard on my ears…” He sighed and went back to kneading dough.

“That is just too much.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Was it hot?”

“Uh…” Shikamaru paused, pretending to think. “I’m going to go with yes. Come on Ino, what did you think I was going to say?”

“What’s gotten into you?”

“Let him be,” Choji said through his noodles. “Aren’t you the one always telling him to loosen up and get a girlfriend?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t mean loose like this.”

Shikamaru ignored both of them and just drank his tea. His patience with Ino and personal interest in what anyone thought of him was running low.

“Who’s loose?” said Kiba.

Fuck, never mind, he lied, he cared.

He slammed his tea on the table and gave his team a look that hopefully said everything it was too late to say aloud. Don’t you dare...

“No one!” Ino said cheerfully, and Shikamaru could breathe. Kiba was an alright guy, but man, he could talk. He turned to see Kiba with Hinata in tow, and Sakura and Naruto beside them. Ino eyed Shikamaru. “We were just talking about how the Chunin exams could have gone differently.”

“What do you mean?” Naruto said, usually cheerful face falling a little, probably recalling some childhood trauma, like always.

“No, Naruto, not like that, I just mean like different people could have won or lost. All of us could have been Chunin, not just Shikamaru.”

“That’s true,” said Sakura, taking a seat and bumping elbows with Ino, “but it all worked out okay in the end.” Ino bumped her back, and Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

“Can we join you?”

“Can’t stop you, so sure.”

“Isn’t Shikamaru pleasant today,” said Kiba, slapping him on the back. “Are all of you coming tonight? School?”

“Are you sure we should do it at the school?” asked Naruto, making grabby-hands as he was handed his bowl of ramen, on the house. “Iruka is kind of my dad and I heard him say we’re giving him ‘a fucking aneurysm’ under his breath the other day.”

“Nah, it’s okay, Kakashi asked him to ‘go over some files’, so he’s probably going to be busy.”

“What? Why did you put air quotes around that?” Naruto asked curiously. Sakura made a swift cutting motion across her neck, and Kiba backtracked. Clearly the knowledge wasn’t as common as he’d assumed.

“Or not. I don’t know. Whatever. Point is, nobody’s really going to be watching it, so it’s not a big deal. Besides,” Kiba grinned, pointed teeth gleaming, “we have to show our Sand Village visitor how it’s done.”

“No, we don’t, we definitely don’t.” Shikamaru covered his eyes and groaned. He was already picturing the aftermath of such an ordeal, and it was unfavorable. “Tsunade would kill me if she found out about it I took Temari to a party.”

“Then I’ll take her!” said Ino cheerfully. “Problem solved!” Silence fell over the whole shop as Shikamaru slowly turned to look at Ino. They stared at each other until Hinata hiccupped, and then Ino looked away.

“Fine, then,” Shikamaru said.

“Fine,” said Ino.

“Am I missing something?” asked Sakura, concerned. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, don’t sweat it. They’re just fighting like always.” Choji drained his bowl and motioned for another.

Shikamaru was still just as tired as he’d felt when he woke up. He’d had more than enough of Ino for the day, and now that even more people had gathered around, finding an escape route seemed like the most promising option. Besides, he was meeting Temari soon, and he didn’t want to be late. “I’m going now.” He stood up, paying for his tea and Ino’s ramen. “I may or may not see all of you later.”

“Why? Is there someone else you’re seeing later?” Ino smirked and Shikamaru felt his eye twitch.

“I’ll see you later, then.”

His friends cheered as he walked away as quickly as he could without running.


	8. Never Has Shikamaru Ever Not Regretted Kiba's Parties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS MY FAVORITE CHAPTER TO WRITE

And here he was, running right back. Having friends is pain.

The schoolhouse was where his (foolish but mysteriously resilient) friends met on the rare nights enough of them were in town for it to be fun and nobody cries. Well,  _ fewer _ people cry, at least.

He could see one window subtlety alight in the looming building; it was their old classroom. There was something compelling about getting drunk and bragging about accomplishments in the seat where you used to watch the window from, wondering when you’d be old enough to accomplish anything worth bragging about.

It became less compelling the one time Kiba threw up all over his old chair, however, so Shikamaru himself  _ doesn’t _ get to experience that anymore.

Shikamaru drew closer, and slowly came to a halt. This could very well be a mistake. He had a good day, walking around with Temari. Everything was lighter with her, and he was still feeling a little high from it.

He could go home and it could end there. Why was he doing this again?

_ Then I’ll take her! _

He kept walking.  _ Right. _

Like hell if he was going to let Ino get her stupid little raccoon paws all into his business, and then get rewarded by going to a party with a girl who was way out of her league, completely unsupervised. He’d trust Ino with his life, but with Temari? Not for a second.

He had gone home and changed his clothes before the party, to something that wasn’t a green vest. Did that look desperate, or normal? Caring too much about what he looked like was below him, but looking like a dump was, too. Shikamaru took his hair band out and held it between his teeth as he fixed his hair. Or was he making it worse? Did it matter? He’d only just gotten the Hot Boy Stamp of Approval from Ino, so he was beginning to question what even made boys attractive to girls in the first place.

Not that that’s what he was trying to do.

The front door was locked, but the second story window right above was propped open only slightly, so you’d only see it if you were looking for it. Shikamaru stopped in front of it.

“Shikamaru, hey!”  _ Ugh. _

“Lee, hey,” he said, turning to face the other boy. “...and Sai.” He squinted hard at Lee, not caring how rude he came off, as Sai always gladly returned the favor. “Why the fuck did you bring Sai?” he hissed behind a hand.

“It’s okay, Shikamaru,” said Lee cheerfully, putting an arm over his shoulder, “because Sai has been working really hard on his social skills.”

Shikamaru looked at Sai, who smiled.

“You look like a rat.”

“ _ Lee. _ ”

“Sorry! Sai, we don’t say things like that to our friends.”

“Charming as always.” If Sai wanted to get caught up in whatever storm was brewing, that was fine, Shikamaru decided. Let the mob decide what his fate would be. “Whatever.” He jumped up, up to the window, landing on the wide sill and slipping inside. The other boys followed him down a short flight of stairs and a long hallway until-

“Shikamaru, Lee!” Kiba clapped his hands. “And Sai, too! Welcome to class.” He sat on top of the desks nearest the door and made a wide sweeping motion with his arm, nearly hitting both Hinata and Shino in the face. The classroom was lit by lanterns and candles to avoid getting caught, and the air was warm as opposed to the cool breeze outside.

“Don’t call it that. There’s nothing educational about this, unless you like other people’s drama and finding out how flexible your friends are in the worst ways possible...” Kiba kept smiling. “I’m realizing you like both of those things.”

“Yup! Take a seat, boys.”

Lee lead Sai to sit with Tenten and Neji near the far end of the room. Neji glared at Sai with icy eyes, who said something that made all those who could hear him bristle slightly. Shikamaru was perfectly happy not knowing what it was.

Shikamaru, by some horrible accident, had showed up earlier than he intended. He preferred to show up very late, or sometimes, not at all. At least by some miracle Choji had done the same, and waved him over to seats they always spent their mornings in when they were young. Well,  _ next to _ the seats ( _ Kiba, vomit, remember? _ ).

“What’s up?” Choji asked. Shikamaru shrugged, watching Hinata fix Kiba’s clothes nervously. Her hair fell in her face as she fiddled with his buttons as Kiba told a loud story over her shoulder to Shino.

“Why does Hinata always do that? She knows they’re coming right off within the hour.” Kiba was a party animal, both figuratively and literally. It was almost impressive how quickly he could get naked.

“I have no idea. To be fair, I usually forget it’s going to happen until right when it does.”

“I wish I had that luxury.”

“Where’s Temari?”

Shikamaru shot Choji a look, but he was watching Sai trying to chat with Shino, so he rested his chin on heel of his hand and watched with him. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen her since this afternoon.” There was nothing to this conversation, which is part of why it was so funny. Just Sai, smiling. Shino, probably not smiling, but fuck,  _ who knows _ ? “Why do you care?” he asked, sounding much more defensive than he intended.

“ _ I _ don’t.” Shikamaru turned to Choji, slightly annoyed, but he was now looking at something else. “But I’m getting a feeling you might.” He nudged Shikamaru’s shoulder.

 

Ino was standing in the doorway,  _ but who gives a shit about that because _ Temari was standing just behind her, wearing… Not her regular clothing.

Temari stood uncomfortably, shifting her weight in an ensemble that was undeniably Ino’s doing. The black was gone, replaced by softer colors.  _ Short _ grey skirt, shorter and tighter than her old one had been, which he didn’t want to notice but did. Her shirt, purple and sleeveless, was Ino’s, and too small because of it.

Shikamaru inhaled through his nose. She looked like an angel, with moonlight shining through the window behind her and lining her curves closely, and what that was doing to him was  _ so _ fucking unfair. Choji only chuckled.

Watching Ino and Temari approach was like watching the march of his executor and her axe, respectively. He was purposefully not paying much attention to them until he absolutely had to, and when he did, Ino leered up at him. “We’re here.”

“I can see that.”

“Temari got dressed up with me! Doesn’t she look gorgeous?” she asked, like he was blind.

Shikamaru could hardly stop himself from sighing at how obvious she was being. Last time he checked, he’s successfully talked to girls in the past, so why Ino was suddenly under the impression he’s reverted to a salivating 13-year-old boy, he wasn’t sure. “Temari looks fine.” Temari’s smile seemed to flicker for a moment, but he may have imagined it.

“Would a little enthusiasm kill you? This is a party, after all.” Ino wandered away to terrorize someone else, but Temari stayed, sliding into the seat next to him.

“We’re getting through this together, right?” she whispered. “I have no idea what to expect, so can I count on you?”

“Always,” Shikamaru said. It sounded a little cheesy to him, but she looked pleased, so maybe it was alright. “My main tip would be to observe, not engage. That’s what I do, and I haven’t fought anyone, burnt anything down, thrown up or almost died.”

“That’s not even true at all. New Year’s Eve?” Choji reminded him.

Shikarmaru thought and then corrected himself. “Well, I haven’t thrown up.”

“Wait, what happened on Ne-”

There was a creaking noise on the far side of the window and something slipped through quicker than Shikamaru could catch the figure, which was evidence enough to guess who’d crashed their party

“Kakashi-sensei!” Kiba waved him over as Ino whistled. “Are you drinking with us?”

Kakashi looked down on Kiba, hands in his pockets, looking as cool as always. His eyebrow narrowed. “If Kurenai asks, I wasn’t here and never heard you say that.” He looked around the room and seeing that he had its attention he continued. “Sakura and Naruto are about to show up. Nobody,  _ and I mean nobody _ , is going to bring up Sasuke or the Sasuke Incident. Because you do  _ not _ know the kind of day I’ve had. Got it?” Vigorous nodding followed.

“Why can’t we talk about that?” asked Temari. “I know it was a tragic loss of a friend, but it  _ was _ 3 years ago.”

“If you’ve seen Naruto and Sakura drunk,” said Choji, “you’d think it was yesterday.”

This was painfully true, and those two were lucky their friends put up with them as much as they did. At least Sakura usually had the sense to save her tears for later, unlike  _ some people _ . Shikamaru had literally been his shoulder to cry on, purely based on his proximity to Naruto at the time rather than him offering. Through those tears, he’d both seen how truly distraught his friend still was and also came to a conclusion; keep a one-person buffer between him and Naruto at all times.

“It’s probably in your best interest to…” Shikamaru watched Kiba grin nervously at his superior. “Not say anything at all tonight.”

Choji nodded. “We’re a sensitive bunch.”

“...You’re Shinobi.”

He nodded again. “I don’t know how that happened.”

“No problem!” said Kiba, but Neji shook his head, annoyed.

“We don’t have control over that. They should be over it by now,” he said, probably remembering the weeks spent in the hospital for a  _ certain _ failed mission about a  _ certain _ dark-haired bitch boy.

“I’m telling you this for your sake, Neji, not mine. I have places to be. Don’t let Lee drink,” he said sternly, eyeing Kiba, “and watch that human fire hazard, too.”

“Hey!” Kiba’s call was lost in the poof of smoke where Kakashi once stood. If he was coming to warn them, it probably meant that it wasn’t a great day for Team Kakashi.

“Is his hair like that naturally?” asked Temari, and Shikamaru felt a slight twinge in his stomach.

Only slightly-off topic, but he’d seen Kakashi-sensei ruin a first date simply by walking past with that trademark confidence he always heard the other Jonin complaining about. The girl just saw him and realized she could do better. It hadn’t been him, but it could be, couldn’t it?

She seemed only mildly curious over interested, though, which made him feel a little relieved.

“Yeah, it is. Asuma-sensei told me it’s like a damn cloud.”

Shikamaru had asked that question himself years and years ago while out with his team, spotting Kakashi across the street. Choji had written it off as an unsolved mystery of a legend, while Asuma gave them a strange look.

He called out to Kakashi and walked across the street. They talked for a minute, before Asuma pointed at his hair, and Kakashi bent slightly so he could touch it.

“ _ You know, kids _ ,” he said later, flicking his lighter, “ _ when you have friends, you can just… ask them things. For free. And they’ll probably answer _ .” Asuma looked at them suspiciously. “ _ Do you guys have friends? _ ”

“That’s Kakashi-sensei for you. Some people are just blessed with good genetics, I guess,” he sighed, leaning back in his chair. When he glanced at her, Temari wasn’t looking at his face, but at the rest of him, absentmindedly, pinky pulling down her bottom lip

“Yeah,” Temari said, “I guess so.” His hands moved unconsciously to pull his shirt down where it rode up his waist and she suddenly went pink. “Oh, sorry.”

“It’s okay,” said Shikamaru. He wasn’t entirely sure what she was apologizing for, but fully aware that he was way too sober for this.

Fortunately, Naruto arrived, hands folded behind his head, with Sakura right after, wearing a delicate pink dress and smiling kindly. Everybody was accounted for and Shikamaru could once again get more practice time in on his ability to criticize his friends’ life choices. He’d been making dumb mistakes all week; shouldn’t he be able to relax and watch other people do it for a change?

His friends began to gather in a loose circle on the floor, Shikamaru sitting at the desks between Temari and Choji on the outside edge of it. Everybody seemed to be in relatively good spirits, though Neji looked ready to punch Sai and you could just really never tell with Shino.

Kiba, the bringer of doom himself, marched to the center. “You know what we should do?”

“What,” came the response in the form of 12 voices, with varying levels of enthusiasm.

“Since we are joined by a guest, why not a round or two of the Leaf Village’s premier party game, Hold?” There were cheers from around the circle, and even Shikamaru smiled a little. It had been so long since they’d played that game, and he had no idea why.

“Hey…” Naruto said quietly, strange look on his face. “You know who used to be really good at Hold?”

Everyone changed the topic all at once and Shikamaru remembered why.

“What’s Hold?” Temari asked.

“It’s a game we made up a long time ago, partially to practice chakra focus and partially because you eventually get to throw things at your friends. You stand in a hallway and climb between the walls, focusing your chakra in your feet and palms. After that, your try to hold that position for as long as possible. You’re usually competing against one other person, and you’re only supposed to stack stuff on the competitors, but eventually it dissolves into doing everything in your power to make people fuck up.”

“That sounds fun. Why can’t we do it?”

Naruto had been right, of course; Uchiha Sasuke was terrifyingly good at Hold. He would seem to be having a pleasant night, would even smile one of his rare smiles a few times, but once he was between those walls, fuck, he turned to  _ stone _ . Nothing and no one could defeat him. He was infamous for knocking people out by head-butting what they’d thrown to take him down right back at them.

Unfortunately, Sasuke had so thoroughly owned the game that when he left, he took it with him. Besides, half of the fun was getting to make fun of Sasuke while he couldn’t move (though it should be mentioned real-life consequences do apply to the things that are said during Hold.)

“Sasuke was really good at it.”

“Are you serious? That’s why?”

“I told you we’re sensitive.”

Shikamaru didn’t mind skipping Hold, as he’d never been the best at it anyway, but it did make him itch to think about what else Kiba might have in store. At least people were cracking open bottles of vodka, finally, and he could get quietly tipsy behind that first barrier of desks.

“Well, how about Never Have I Ever? Just so we can warm up to each other” suggesting Ino, and Sakura nodded.

“We haven’t played in forever... I think that’d be fun!”

Kiba faltered a little, not because he didn’t love the game, but it was probably dawning on him how much he’d have to drink if they played. He swallowed. “Fuck yeah.”

_ How the mighty fall. _

“ _ This one _ I know how to play,” Temari said, standing up, and Shikamaru nearly reached out to grab her arm before she stepped away, finding a seat on the floor next to Naruto. It wasn’t that she shouldn’t play (or that he didn’t want to know how quickly she’d get out), but it just wasn’t nearly as fun being  _ the only one _ sitting out of a party game.

He hated Never Have I Ever. When Shikamaru first played it, he had no fingers down when the first few people started getting out. He’d been 12, sure, but the absolute torture of Ino calling him a ‘baby’ for the next few weeks was motivation enough to slightly gag at the thought of a repeat round.

Because of this, he knew much more about his friends than they did about him, and he wanted keep it that way.

“You coming?” Temari asked, looking up at him and patting the empty spot next to her.

Okay, well,  _ one _ game wouldn’t kill him.

Choji chuckled and followed him, earning an elbow in the ribs.

“Shikamaru? You’re playing?”

“Well, I’m here.”

“But,” Hinata continued, “you nev-”

“So!” Ino said loudly, and it was such a mystery to him how she could be so helpful while also being one of the most irritating people he’s ever had the displeasure to meet. “Sakura will go first. Everybody got their glasses?”

Hinata’s shaking hand passed Shikamaru a shot glass, and he looked at it. It’d been so long since he’d played this game, and so much had changed. How would he fare?

“Never have I ever…” Sakura clicked her tongue, and then giggled, “been a Genin for more than 3 years.”

“What?!” Naruto yelped as everybody else laughed. “That’s not fair, everyone else had a second chance to pass!”

“One shot for our lovely Genin! No need to tell the story, we’ve heard it so many times,” said Ino, pouring his drink, and Naruto took it, not without much protest. “Never have I ever had sex outside.”

This was clearly aimed at one person, who scowled deeply behind his shot glass. Kiba drank begrudgingly.

“I don’t want to talk about that. It didn’t end well.”

“Wait, what happened?”

“Yeah how did I miss this?”

“It was on the training grounds.”

“Please don’t tell us which ones, I don’t want to know.”

“That’s  _ so _ nasty, Kiba…  _ Tell me more _ .”

“Did like… A bug crawl up your ass, or something?”

“Tenten, fuck, no! I said I don’t want to talk it about it, Ino.”

“Well, I do. Basically, he was like,  _ almost there _ , right, and then-

“Never have I ever kissed anyone!” said Lee proudly and loudly, clearly oblivious to the current conversation. Everybody groaned.

Lee hadn’t done much of anything when it came to relationships, but he absolutely didn’t care, and instead used his powers for evil, getting everyone else out as quickly as possible. “There are more important things in life!” he announced. Shikamaru poured a shot, and then felt a tap on his shoulder. Temari was holding out her drink to him.

“Cheers,” she said, winking.

He didn’t have a response to that, besides clinking Temari’s glass and watching her throw hers back. They’d a brief talk about their equally brief hook up, but he hadn’t realized they were at the point of openly referencing it.

_ One shot, down the hatch. _

“Never have I ever injured myself trying to impress the person I like,” said Tenten, gently nudging Lee, who put a finger down, but didn’t take a shot (lest they all perish).

Just about everybody was drinking for this round, too. His class in particular was notorious for kind of being idiots. Shikamaru couldn’t remember a specific time he’d done that, but years ago he probably had, so he’d drink. Temari left her glass empty, listening to Naruto grumble something about trees with an amused look on her face.

“Never have I ever shoplifted.” It was very like Neji to say that; his was face still like he hasn’t fucking killed people.

“Boo, boring! Who hasn’t shoplifted?”

“Me!”

“I know  _ you _ haven’t, Frog Purse.”

“Stop calling it a purse!”

Ino took a shot, as did Kiba, but when Shino reached for his glass, Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. “Shino? You shoplift?”

Shino might have been looking at him, but he was a mystery behind the glasses. “You think I wear a jacket this big in the summer because I like it?”

That was the longest sentence Shino had ever said to Shikamaru, and a perfect example of why he didn’t want to be playing this game.

“Never have I ever won a fight against Sas-” Neji slapped a hand over his mouth. His tune had clearly changed.

“Think hard about this one.”

Sai shook off the other boy and started again. “Never have I ever been naked in public.” Sakura muttered something about half a shirt being nearly there.

Kiba and Naruto immediately started cracking up, probably remembering some summer night, high-fiving in the air from each side of the circle and taking a shot. Shikamaru shook his head at them until Choji bumped him.

“New Year’s Eve, remember?”

“Oh, right, fuck.”

Temari watched Shikamaru drink his shot with bewilderment. “Okay, seriously, what happened on Ne-”

“Never have I ever been stung by a bee,” came a muffled, deep voice.

Everyone looked at Shino in disbelief. He was at least 75% bugs, so it seemed impossible that he would have never been stung.

“How?”

“They  _ like _ me.”

Nobody argued with that.

“I’ve got a good one, fuckers,” Kiba announced, standing up. Shikamaru wondered whether

“fucker” or Shika was a worse nickname. “Never have I ever made out… with someone in this circle!”

To Kiba, surely, that question was a “good one”; to almost anybody who had to take a shot, however, it was some degree of awkward. Shikamaru quickly poured a shot for himself, the attention on Ino and Sakura going red, giggling over theirs.

Just as the laughter was settling down, Ino suddenly called out Temari’s name. Everyone turned to look at her just as she was setting down her shot glass with a thump. “Have you...with someone here?” she asked, ever so innocently.

“Yeah,” said Temari, shrugging. “It was a one-time thing, no big deal.” Shikamaru sat completely still, the memory returning.  _ One-time, sure, but no big deal? _

“But who was it?” Ino was looking at Temari intensely, but she only laughed and pulled up the front of her shirt.

“The Leaf, always so serious. Wouldn’t you all love to know?” She leaned across Shikamaru and Choji, and her shoulder gently touched his chest. Hinata jumped with a startled squeak when Temari poked her knee. “Your turn.”

She was so smooth, one leg folded neatly over the other, smug. How could he get on that level of verbal dexterity? It felt like she’d given them an answer when she really hadn’t at all, and Shikamaru was admittedly impressed.

“Oh, okay… Never have I ever….” Hinata bit her lip. “Been electrocuted?” Quite a few people had, including Shikamaru, but most notably Naruto who looked like he’d been shocked once again just remembering it. He was clearly getting more and more drunk, which would put Shikamaru on edge if not for his Temari-shaped buffer.

“Is Naruto going to be okay?” whispered Temari, slightly lifting a finger his way.

“Who knows,” Shikamaru answered honestly.

“Never have I ever lied during a game of ‘Never Have I Ever’,” Choji said.

This was an interesting addition to the game. Shikamaru hadn’t, as he hadn’t played enough times to be given the opportunity to lie, but clearly some other people had. Hinata reached for her glass, embarrassed, as did Temari.

“Wait,” said Kiba suspiciously, “does that mean you lied about kissing someone in this circle?”

Temari shrugged, like she had before. “And wouldn’t you just love to know.”

He could kiss her. Figuratively.

Shikamaru knew exactly what he was going to say, and he’d been waiting to say it with patience for the whole game so far.

“Never have I ever failed the Chunin exams.”

_ Uproar from the masses. _

“Oh,  _ of course _ he’d say that,” said Sakura crossly, glaring in his direction, “just to get everyone else out.”

“That’s how you play the game, Sakura.”

“My turn!” Temari said brightly. “This one is always fun, if a little taboo; Never have I ever used ninjutsu for…  _ other reasons _ , if you know what I mean.”

An unfortunate number of them knew what she meant.

Ino widened her eyes, but picked up her shot glass. Kiba did too, which Shikamaru  _ really _ didn’t want to think about (Shino didn’t, thank fuck). Sai drank, and Shikamaru waited for red-faced Naruto to take his drink to avoid detection.

“Naruto, please don’t tell me… Shadow clones?”

He didn’t answer, only turned redder.

“So that one time I told you to ‘go fuck yourself’-“

“That’s NOT how it happened.”

“Then how did it?”

Shikamaru lost interest, but Temari turned to him.

“Really?”

“I never thought it’d come to light.”

“The shadow hands, right?”

He blinked. “You remember that?”

They looked at each other a little too long. “Oh yeah, I remember” she said, smirk tugging at her lips. “You were good with your hands”

The shots must be hitting her now, but she thinks he’s good with his hands. She wasn’t wrong.

What was running through Shikamaru’s head was horribly inconvenient for this time and place, and he looked away, sliding one leg over the other on the hard floor.

 

He missed Naruto’s story (for something much more… yeah). “Never have I ever been part of Team 10.” He was glaring solely at Ino, though apparently Shikamaru and Choji had to suffer for her wrongdoings, too.

“Never have I ever,” began Sakura sweetly, “had a dick.”

A majority of the circle booed that, glasses clinking roughly. “That got me out,” pouted Kiba, though his fingers went right back to zero to continue. Ino defended her simply by saying “not our fault these parties always have more dick than chick.” Hinata and Tenten cracked a smile, and Shikamaru got drunker than ever.

“Hmm, let me think…,” said Ino, mind probably already made up. “Never have I ever had a  _ sex dream _ about  _ somebody in this circle _ .”

Shikamaru had known that question was coming from a mile away. When Ino had suggested this game, he could see it slinking over the horizon like noxious gas. Fortunately, this was a common thing in friend groups, right? He took his shot as quickly as possible, not wanting to be pointed out.

“Shikamaru,” said Ino, drawing out the last syllable with malice. “You’re the only one that drank this round.” He looked around the circle, empty shot glass still slightly raised, and everyone stared back at him in silence. Ino’s teeth gleamed in the candlelight, looking more ghoul than girl. “Wanna tell the story?”

He most definitely did  _ not _ want to tell the story. The thought of describing his dreams,  _ especially _ his latest one, to this group, to Temari, made his insides shrivel up.

“Uh…” This was tricky. “It wasn’t a big deal, it doesn’t matter who she was.”

“ _ She _ ? So, me, Sakura, Tenten or Hinata?” All three turned to look at him. “Well,” she added, “I guess it could be Temari, too.”

Shikamaru swallowed. “It was only a couple-”

“ _ More than once _ ?”

_ Fuck. _ His friends were all looking at him with much more interest now, some even leaning into the circle to see him better. Too much information had been revealed, and it was more information than most people had gotten out of him in a long time. Shikamaru had never had particularly gossip worthy lifestyle, so at the slightest scent of something juicy, his friends were ready to pounce.

A distraction would be nice. What an excellent time for Kiba to light something on fire.

He suddenly took a look down at his hands, recounted the number of fingers up in his head.

_ Kissing, getting hurt, public nudity, bee stings, making out with Temari, electrocution, taboo jutsu, team 10, dick, sex dream. _

“Am I out?” Everyone else looked at his hands, too, and then back at him. This didn’t officially mean anything, as most people just started over like Kiba, but Shikamaru took out to mean  _ out _ . “I’m out, mostly to avoid alcohol poisoning.”

“What?!” Kiba cried as everyone else groaned in disappointment, Ino even going as far as to slap her hand on the wood floor in frustration. “That was the biggest cop out ever! You are the worst at this game.” Shikamaru only shrugged. He didn’t care how much his friends pleaded; he wasn’t going to die like that.

“Good game, everybody,” he said with a wide grin, “but that’s absolutely all your getting out of me.” There were still complaints and insults hurled his way, but the game picked back up again soon. The questions were getting more and more probing and people were getting more and more drunk.

Shikamaru didn’t want to learn more than he already had, and 10 shots had been enough to get him plenty wasted. Leaning against the long table behind him, he began to doze off…


	9. Too Close and Not Close Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)

Dreaming again, wasn’t he?

Based off his previous experiences, Shikamaru prayed he didn’t talk in his sleep.  _ That _ was something he would never be able to live down.

He was walking with Temari down the streets of the village, as empty as they were in the mornings, though this time there was a much different feeling in the air, a buzz deep in his stomach. Dreams that just continued where real life left off were annoying, but with Temari right beside him, Shikamaru wasn’t particularly in a place to complain.

“So, like…” Temari trailed off and bumped into Shikamaru’s shoulder, who bumped her back in return. They were being touch-y, more than he ever usually would with anyone. “Isn’t it like… crazy? That… I didn’t know that Neji’s byakugan sees double when he gets drunk, like… Have you ever fought a drunk ninja?”

“Yeah,” said Shikamaru, “a couple times, yeah.”

“It sounds wild.”

“It  _ was _ wild.”

They were talking a lot about absolutely nothing at all, just walking in what he assumed was the general direction of her apartment. His compass, both directional and moral, seemed to be compromised while intoxicated. He didn’t really recognize the building until Temari marched past it without looking in it’s direction. Shikamaru slowed slightly. They… weren’t stopping at her place.

“Are you coming?” Temari asked, turning around. “I don’t know the way.”

They were probably stopping at his.

In his inebriated state, this didn’t seem like a bad plan.  _ Wasn’t being drunk bad enough? Why did he have to dream drunk, too. _ He caught up to her, brushing her hand slightly when he passed her to lead the way.

The conversation continued as if nothing had happened (if you could class such a disjointed jumble of thoughts as a “conversation”). They’d left the party later than most people, which was out of character for Shikamaru, but Temari wanted to stay, even only if it was because Naruto was clasping her hands and saying a variety of things about her little brother that proved very entertaining when taken out of context.

But he’d promised to walk her home, because he was supposed to, so there they were. Not at her home.

“This is, uh… This is where my house is,” Shikamaru said, pointing.

“Cool.”

“Do you want t-“

“Yes,” she said quickly, and nodded several times for emphasis.

He appreciated Dream Temari acting like this hadn’t happened twice before. Shikamaru walked up the steps and opened the door. The lights he switched on were so bright both of them immediately covered their eyes, so he thought it better to just keep them off.

“I can’t really see your house very good? But nice house, I like it.”

“Thanks.”

“Is it your house? Or do you still live with your parents?”

“I moved out a year ago, so… Just me.”

“Oh, okay, cool. Just you. Cool.”

Silence followed, though not an uncomfortable one. Whether or not she was being intentionally suggestive, he didn’t know but he was pretty much used to it by now. It caught his attention, obviously, but didn’t phase him.

“You didn’t have to say that I looked nice or anything tonight.”

“What?”

“Ino sort of… pressured you into it, but I don’t want you to disingenuous.”

_ A dream with a plot. Interesting. _

“No, no, that wasn’t it at all, you look great. Ino just does stuff like that to tease me.”

“Why would that be teasing you?”

He could make her out in the dim light easily once his eyes adjusted, and she seemed to be genuinely anticipating his answer.

“Because, um…” He felt light-headed, feet unsteady, and his mouth was already open anyway. “She knows how much I like you?” Temari eyes widened a little. “Yeah... And there’s no way she’d send you to a party looking like that without bad intentions.”

“Looking…” Temari took a step closer to him. Too close, not close enough. “…like what?”

He reached out before he thought better of it and tugged on the hem of her shirt, just slightly. She came closer still. “Like really,  _ really _ sexy.”

“And why is that a bad thing?”

“These clothes make me want to take them off.”

_ Wow. Alright. _ That was definitely out loud, and definitely not just in his head.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m-“

Temari grabbed him by the front of his shirt, pushed him against the kitchen counter and kissed him so hard his heart stopped.

After the original shock left, it took Shikamaru nearly no time at all to react, submitting to the hard surface behind him and letting her press him there. His mouth opened to hers, and he was melting where he stood. There was so something so much different, so much  _ better _ about this kiss. Maybe it was because he was drunk; his tongue already felt full in his mouth without hers there, too.

“That’s not something I’d call a bad thing, Shikamaru. Besides,” she said, close to his ear, “almost anything you wear makes me want to take it off.”

_ That sounds fake, but okay. _ “I think you took a lot of shots...?”

“Why? Because I’m being honest? Because you’re hot and I want you?”

Fuck, were they just… Were they just fucking  _ saying _ things now? Like just…  _ Anything _ ?

Shikamaru didn’t have a vocal response, but his hands moved to her shirt again, tugging harder, and she lifted her arms so he could pull it off. Her bra was in the same style as the blue he’d seen before, but this time the red was back.  _ Maybe that’s just a thing for him now. _

She kissed him again, slower, drawing him out. It was sweet, but it wasn’t nearly enough now. Shikamaru grabbed her waist and switched their positions, which Temari didn’t mind at all and smiled instead. He could still one-up her, though. Her arms were already steady over his shoulders; he picked her up and set her on the counter.

“Shit, wait, whoa.”

He looked up at her. “What’s wrong?”

“You just like picked me up like I weighed absolutely nothing. How strong are you?”

Shikamaru squinted. “Well, I’m not weak.”

“No, you’re not. This is going to be…” she giggled, which he’d never heard her do, and then apologized. “Sorry, I’m just kind of excited.”

Shikamaru didn’t really care. He was too, after all. It was running through both of them, between them, a stronger buzz than before. She pulled him forwards again. He pushed her skirt up her thighs so he could get between them, but she led his hand to the zipper on the side instead.  _ She really hadn’t been bluffing about taking everything off, then. _ Temari’s fingers found the first button of his shirt.

She ended up skipping the last few, opting to just tear it open, and Shikamaru had never cared about anything less. One hand behind his neck, she pulled him forward into another crushing kiss, hotter than the last. Everything was so hot with her.  _ Burning. _

“God, you’re pretty, and so fucking smart.  _ Powerful _ . I haven’t stopped thinking about you,” he admitted, voice barely there, only a breath against her. “ _ I can’t stop thinking about you.” _

She sat back to look at him, eyes dark. There was surprise reflected there, as if they both hadn’t expected him to say that.

“The kitchen is nice, but do you have a bed somewhere in this fancy grown-up house of yours?”

“Are we doing this?”

Temari looked at him with humor, and leaned back on her hands. “That was my plan. Do you have a different proposal?”

“No,” he said urgently. “No, you’re, uh, out of my league, so I’m doing a reality check.” He was aware this wasn’t actually reality, but he was beginning to fall for it anyway.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” she said, jumping off the counter and pulling his shirt off his arms, tossing it to the side. “This way?” Temari pointed down the only hallway in his tiny place. His argument had been thrown out so solidly all he could really do is nod and follow her.

His room was as he’d left it in the real world (i.e. a mess) but Shikamaru didn’t guess it was going to look anymore in shape in the near future. Temari flopped down on his bed in her matching underwear, resting back on her elbows, just looking around.

“This  _ looks _ like the room of a 17-year-old boy.”

Shikamaru stood in front of her and bowed his head. “At your service.”

“Come here.” Temari motioned him closer and he obeyed, sitting next to her. “Could you…” She turned her back to him, sitting on her legs. “Could you get this off?”

In theory? Yes. With his hands shaking slightly, he wasn’t sure he’d have any better luck than she would. Shikamaru pushed past that anyway (it’d kill him if he didn’t) and unhooked her bra. The straps fell, and he put his arms around her waist like he’d wanted to that morning, kissing her shoulder where they’d been.

Temari threw that piece of clothing like she had everything else, aiming at nothing, and turned back around. Her skin on his, her mouth on his, Shikamaru didn’t stop her when she pressed him down onto the bed, legs settling on either side of him. Nothing in this world could make him stop her.

One of his hands went to her hair, thick but smooth, and the other slipped down her neck to her chest. She said something her breath that could have been his name, that he  _ hoped _ was his name.

Temari took his hand and pushed it lower, letting his fingers slide just under her waistband, eyes a question. He twisted the fabric around his fingers and tugged, just a little. She made a soft noise and then went pink.

“Shikamaru, please…”

It was  _ that _ voice again, the unforgettable one.

“Are you sure?” he asked again, and Temari snorted.

“I’m not naked in your bedroom for diplomatic reasons. Well,” she added, with a sly grin, “ _ almost _ naked. Unless you’re not sure you want to-“

“From where you’re sitting, I think it’s a little obvious I want to.”

Temari bit her lip. Her hand left Shikamaru’s to drop lower and _ fuck _ . “Maybe a lot obvious, huh?” It was his turn to go red, moving slightly underneath her, and look away. She felt so good, but-

“What’s stopping you?” They looked at each other in the darkness, and maybe a few things should, but Shikamaru smiled slightly when he realized his final answer, regardless of how much he could labor over it.

“Nothing.”

She smiled back, eyes gleaming. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, fuck it. Nothing.”

_ Nothing at all. _


	10. That Thing, With Your Tongue

It was still dark when Shikamaru woke up, though he guessed it was sometime in the early morning. He put his hands up to his head and winced; there was a killer ache ringing in his ears. Somehow he’d made it home, dreams aside, since he was in his bed.  _ Fucking hell. _

It wasn’t that he hadn’t expected a cruel reminder of why parties suck major dick; just because you know you’re going to get your ass kicked doesn’t make the ass-kicking any more pleasant.

Shikamaru sat up, rubbing his eyes, and turned to get out of bed. He stopped when cold air hit his legs. Was he…  _ naked _ ?

A growl sounded from the other side of the bed and a strong arm curled around his waist. “You better not be getting up.”

He barely stopped himself from gasping. “What!?” He whipped around.

A very disgruntled Temari was tucked into the blankets, pulling him closer and glaring up at him with sleepy eyes. “You’re going to let all the warm air out.”

They looked at each other. A stand-off.

“Pinch me.”

She did, hard, and it hurt.

“What the fuck?”

“I… don’t know? Good morning, what the fuck to you, too.”

“No, no,” Shikamaru stuttered, trying to wrap his muddled mind over this new development. “Was I dreaming? Did we actually have sex?”

“I’m flattered, but no, it wasn’t dream.” He stared at her, and she stared right back, beginning to wake up a little more.

“No?” was all he could think to say. She sighed and sat up, blanket sliding off her and  _ oh boy she was very much naked too. _ Shikamaru put up a hand to avert his eyes in panic, and Temari sighed, unimpressed.

“Shikamaru, are you regretting this or something?”

“No, that’s not it,” he cried, putting down his hand, “I just didn’t mean to! It was an accident.”

She looked at him, eyes narrowed. “So… You invited me into your home and fucked me, but it was an accident.”

A pause. “It does sound more intentional when you put it like that.”

“Well, you let in the cold air. I’m up now, so you wanna explain why you look like you’re about to cry?”

“I’m not- Nevermind. I thought I was having a dream, but clearly,” he gestured weakly to her, “not. The vodka only made it worse.”

“Why would you think that?” she asked.

“It… wouldn’t be the first time?”

Temari looked surprised. “With me?” He nodded. “That Never Have I Ever question?” He nodded again, this time with a scowl. “Oh, okay. Yes, that would explain some things.”

She seemed to be taking that much better than he thought she would, but Shikamaru was still squirming. “I should apologize, I probably said and did embarrassing stuff I wouldn’t usually- “

“Shut up, Shikamaru, you were perfect.” He looked at her skeptically, opening his mouth again but she shushed him. “I mean it.” Temari rolled her eyes. “It’s not like I’ve been trying to do this for days, or anything!”

“Wait, seriously?”

She curled back up with the blankets and looked up at him in amusement. “Asking if you had a girlfriend wasn’t an immediate tip-off to you?”

“That… could have meant anything.”

“Sure. Shikamaru, I don’t know why this is so concerning to you. It doesn’t have to be that complicated between us.”

It couldn’t be easy, either (which is coincidentally what he became around Temari). Shikamaru closed his eyes. “I-“

“Can’t we just be two people who really like and respect each other, who also have really great sex?”

He blinked. Okay, yeah, that was  _ way too easy _ , but Shikamaru was smirking before he could stop himself. “Was it great?”

“At risk of inflating your fragile ego, it was. So can you relax?” Her hand was peeking out of the sheets, warm on his arm.

“The dreams honestly don’t freak you out?”

“Why would they? It’s not like I haven’t had them about my friends, and I don’t think anyone else in that circle is any less guilty.” She laughed. “ _ You _ just happened to be the person stupid enough to admit it.”

“Thanks.”

“You should tell me, though. What happened in them? It’s only …” She looked at the clock. “3 a.m.”

“Are you suggesting-“

“It depends on what it is! I don’t know what shit you’re into.”

“Pinch me.”

“Again?”

“Just do it.”

She pinched him again, and it hurt again.

“I guess there’s something that might be… fun.”

“Shikamaru? Having fun?” She put her hands behind her head on the pillow. “Outrageous. Will he make it out alive?”

Shikamaru smiled in spite of himself. “Your window of opportunity is closing.”

“Okay, I didn’t mean it, I swear. Or at least, mostly didn’t mean it.”

This funny Temari, with a halo of messy curls around her glowing face was making him believe that this could all be simple. He hadn’t met this version of her before, but she was just as beautiful as the other ones. Shikamaru leaned down to kiss her with no hesitation, fingers on her stomach, her hips, her thigh, and then starting over with his mouth. She responded to his first touch with a moan and then everything after with her hands in his hair.

It had been foolish of him to thinking Temari in dreams could even closely compare to the real thing. It had been a nice thought, of course, but knowing the difference only made her taste that much better when his tongue slipped between her legs.

"So..."

"So."

It was finally light out and nearly into the afternoon when they actually got up, Shikamaru out of bed first with a grumpy Temari complaining and pulling a pillow over her face, insisting the world didn’t need her today.

Shikamaru hated to be the voice of reason, as he would have been completely happy to come out on top against the entire world in a battle for Temari’s attention. Unfortunately, life was moving forward with or without them.

“It’s nice to know your mouth is good for more than just talking back,” said Temari, reaching out to fix Shikamaru’s collar. They leaned on opposite sides of his door frame, half inside and half out. The sun had risen hours ago and they should be on their way, but being alone with Temari was nearly impossible to resist,  _ that’s how good it felt _ .

“Please, that’s part of my charm,” he said back with a smile. “You know you like it.”

“Oh, shush, that ego.” Her hands went from his collar to his chest and she kissed him. For real, this time (he can’t stress enough how much better it is) and he leaned into her. “When can we hang out next?” she asked, pulling away, a little breathless.

“Hang out or  _ hang out _ ?”

“Both. Well, the second one, definitely. I could go for round 3,” she murmured. “I didn’t tell you before because your mouth was… busy. That thing you did with your tongue was-“

“Well, I’m out.”

Shikamaru’s face fell and he turned to see… His friends standing in front of his house, jaws various degrees of dropped. Yes, every single one of his  _ horrible fucking _ friends.

“That was just a little bit too much information for me,” said Shino gruffly, the person who had interrupted in the first place. “I’m just going to head home.”

Silence followed after Shino’s leave, a hush that was so rare with this rambunctious crowd. 10 pairs of eyes stared, unblinking. Shikamaru was pretty sure that there was absolutely no way he was going to make it out of this unscathed, either verbally or physically.

“Well,” Temari said brightly, patting Shikamaru’s cheek, “it looks like all of you have something to talk about, so I’ll be on my way!” She jumped down the steps. “Ino, your skirt got a little ripped. Sorry about that! I’ll make it up to you.” The crowd parted for her, and Temari went on her merry way, waving goodbye.

None of this did anything to help Shikamaru’s situation. In fact, it just made it worse.

“It… wasn’t what it looked like?”

“Shikamaru you were grabbing her ass.”

“…yeah.”

“It could have been,” Naruto offered, “a friend kiss?”

The attention shifted from Shikamaru. “A what now?”

“You know,” he said, “when you hook up sometimes, but it’s platonic, and you’re just friends?” There was absolutely no consensus. “Is that… Is that not a thing?”

“Oh, honey, no,” Tenten patted his shoulder with sympathy.

“I knew it!” yelled Ino, clearly having waited this long to say it and would wait no longer. “I fucking  _ knew _ this was going to happen you pervert!”

“Calm down,” said Shikamaru lamely, which only made it worse.

“To be honest, I knew it, too,” said Sakura.

Choji shrugged. “I had a hunch.”

Kiba crossed his arms. “That’s so unfair, how did  _ he _ get  _ Temari _ ?”

“I don’t get it either,” agreed Neji

“Why didn’t you just  _ tell me _ ?” Ino sounded a little hurt, but mostly smug.

“Can I just say what we’re all thinking?” said Naruto, raising his hand. “What’s that thing you can do with your tongue?”

Tenten nodded. “ _ Yes _ , finally.”

Lee put out a hand. “I don’t think we should pry- “

Sai cut him off. “I bet it was- “

“All of you!” he finally shouted over the voices. “Shut the fuck up and get off my lawn!” His friends backed up until they were just off his private property and then continued to talk. “Why are all of you here anyway?”

“Usually you wouldn’t sleep in past 10,” explained Hinata quietly, sounding a little light-headed, “and you drank a lot, so-“

“So we were worried!” cried Kiba. “We thought you died, but really you just got laid?” He stared at Shikamaru.”

“…Is that a question?”

“We were  _ worried _ !”

“Look, I didn’t say anything, mainly because it  _ just fucking happened _ , and also because I knew this would be the end result. If you’ll excuse me,” he growled, “I have work to do.”

They didn’t excuse him, and he hadn’t really expected them to. Instead they followed him for an hour, like a herd of annoying sheep that he’d accidentally fed and now wouldn’t let him be. That was all the gossip they would get about him, Shikamaru promised.  _ For years. _


	11. Epilogue

Shikamaru stood in front of Tsunade’s desk, hands in his pockets, smile hidden away. He’d just returned from seeing Temari off, and it’d gone well, he thought.

“Promise you won’t get a girlfriend anytime soon?” she asked, chin on his shoulder. He could tell she was joking, though only partially.

Shikamaru’s first thought was to say  _ not one that isn’t you _ but he’d die before admitting that right to her face so instead he just said  _ no, of course not  _ and hugged her tighter. Temari had promised she’d be back soon, and Shikamaru would do everything in his power to somehow not fuck everything up in her wake.

The Hokage handed him a file, a new C-rank mission, and he promised to look it over when he got home. She nodded and dismissed him.

“Oh, wait. Shikamaru?”

He turned to face her.

“I might do well to remind you; Our Shinobi complete missions for the sake of the Leaf, not for their own romantic interests or sexual gratification.”

Shikamaru blinked. Tsunade waved him away and went back to her papers. “Thank you.”

That was never in a million years something he expected he’d have to hear from the Hokage, but the more he thought about it, the more a smirk was appearing on his face.

_ Can’t I do both? _


End file.
